Build Confidence After Divorce

Build Confidence After Divorce (or Any Other Big Life Transition)

As we navigate a big transition such as a divorce, loss, or job layoff, there are days when we feel a strong sense of personal power – like we can do anything – and then there are other days when you feel like hiding in a cave. Self-confidence is an essential ingredient towards living a joyful life. Take action on these 5 tips whenever you want to build your confidence.

Tip #1: Take a Risk Every Day

Nothing will build your confidence faster than your willingness to be uncomfortable while taking positive action to get closer to your goals and desires. Break your goals into bite-sized chunks, and make a list of small and large actions that will propel you in the direction you desire. Then start to chip away at that list a little bit every day.

Tip #2: Get Support from Others

Our confidence is often affected when we are feeling unsupported by our friends and family. If they love us, shouldn’t they support us through thick and thin? Yes, but you need to take the initiative to get the support you need. Sometimes you will find it far easier to get support from people who do not have a strong personal connection with you. Consider finding a mentor or hiring a coach, or find other people who also want to build their confidence, and partner with them. If you seek out and ask for support, you will get it.

Tip #3: Get Physical

Move your body … dance, walk, run, cycle, or get a good workout in the gym. Endorphins make a big difference, and most people are best served by exercising in the morning. Exercise in the morning increases your level of serotonin, according to Dr. John Gray, author of Mars and Venus on a Diet. Know that the more you do a particular physical activity, the better you get at it. Be willing to be uncomfortable when you start, and pretty soon you will find the activity invigorating and a way to instantly build your confidence. This physical confidence will penetrate other aspects of your life too.

Tip #4: Count Your Wins

Focus on the positives. Take some of the attention off your confidence-deficient areas, and focus instead on what you are good at, on what is going well, and on the successes you have achieved. Every day, write down the small and large wins you experience. If you exercised, that is a win; if you got a new client, finished a project, or had a fun time doing something new, those are wins too. By writing down your wins, you will start to become aware of all the skills and abilities that you DO have, and usually take for granted.

Tip #5: Build on Past Successes

You have had so many successes throughout your life, many of which you have long forgotten or barely remember. Look at the list of accomplishments on your own resume. Open those desk drawers: find that certificate file, review past project folders, pull out old photographs and write down the successes you have had already. Review this list every day as you reflect on the strategies, structures, actions and confidence that allowed you to accomplish those successes. This will give you ideas and build your confidence for navigating your life transition.

After reading these 5 tips to build your confidence, pick one or two and make them your daily confidence building practices. Doing them consistently will enable you to have a great day today, and will help you to continue to build your confidence even more for all the days that follow. Your self-confidence is essential ingredient for achieving your goals, desires and personal fulfillment and living a joyful life. And you can do it!


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